Ninja Cyborg
Super Articulated Toy Reviews Blog

Crash Commando PSN Review

What do you get if you cross Worms, Warhawk, Super Smash Bros and Bionic Commando into one game? If you said “An unplayable mess” you’d be spot on.

Crash Commando looked pretty fun in the trailers, and there is some potential here, but as released, it is full of playability and design problems, not bugs, but poorly thought through features. Here’s a list:

  • You always respawn in the same place, usually miles away from the action
  • After slogging from one end of the map to the other you can then be killed with one hit
  • You then have to wait up to 10 seconds to respawn, and take another 30 travelling back to where the action is
  • All of the weapons are basically the same, and all can kill with just one clear shot
  • Although you have an energy bar, you can die with only one shot from any of the weapons
  • Buttons for the secondary and grenade weapons are way too slow to respond
  • Many levels have areas you can fall or jetpack through that look like solid platforms, and others that you can’t passthrough that look like nothing is there
  • Often, you fall through what looked like a perfectly good floor, and find yourself falling all the way to bottom of the damn map, and having to walk and jump all the way back up again. Then you die
  • Your teammates can and will run you over in the rail-jeep or rail-tank
  • You can’t kill anyone in a vehicle, even with a rocket launcher
  • Often you’ll be the only person in your “multiplayer” game, which makes winning lots of matches and collecting lots of Trophies dead easy, if a little dull

OK so maybe that last one helps alleviate the pain, easy Trophies.

  • GreatFunStuff
    This is by far the worst review i've ever seen written for any game. That, being because you actually tried, yet conveyed a real feeling as if you've never really played more than two matches of the game. Most of your bulleted points are completely inaccurate. Each gun is very different. Only weapons that can(sometimes) kill in one shot are the Sniper Rifle, Shotgun, Rocket Launcher, Grenade Launcher, and Grenades. If you have any level of competence, though, you will soon learn to avoid quick deaths by dodging these weapons when you're faced with one. With the only true one-hit weapon, the Sniper Rifle, you can avoid skilled players by picking up some armor or by gaining the Health Expansion.

    Besides that, the game has the remote-controlled missile you can find throughout levels, as well as two machine gun alternatives. You can also stand across the levels(which are two-tiered, so you can see the action across the level in the background) and grab mounted machine guns to fire across the stage, surprising most enemies. It's still easy to see you mounting the machine gun from the target's perspective, though. And you can be shot upon while using the gun. - Pretty cool feature if you ask me.

    Okay, fuck it I'm done. Maybe I should just write a counter-review on GiantBomb.
  • Skillshot
    Haha. Wow. I hope nobody pays attention to this...
  • GreatFunStuff
    Let's hope.
  • dude
    The only accurate points here are 6, 7, 9, and 11. Out of those, only 6 and 7 are worth complaining about.
  • dude
    Excuse me, I meant 6 and 11 are worth complaining about.
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